Weird things about me

Okay, I'm getting too many misunderstanding and too little ears that listen. So I'm just going to crap something about me here for those who really spend time to read this.

1. Hugs are for everyone. Kiss is for the special one. Leveling up is for The One.
If you see me hugging around, yes, they are my friends. Hugs are meant to give warmth, and care. Nothing else. Kissing, in another word, is different thing. If someone else just kiss me in a sudden, I think all he get is a slap. BITCHSLAP. You cannot be "someone else" to kiss somebody right??? For "leveling up", yes, it is only for the one who can afford the consequences after that. An A- is easy to get, but an A+ which full marks will get the level up. XP

2. Flirtationship or Relationship.
I might seems flirting around, often, but I'm not. I'm looking for the one who can stop me from doing this. If I'm texting a guy that I really like, I will really ignore the others. But there is one thing, which is I'll get overly attached easily. That will ruin a flirtationship, when a guy doesn't wanna to get into a relationship. >.<
That is why I'm looking around for fillers that can keep me busy and do not get overly attach to somebody..

3. Talkative and Annoying
I love to talk. I have quotas for talking so if I don't finish that quota in a day i'll get crazy. So I need someone to talk. But if there is one day that I stop talking, I really gt some problem d. LOL. I never stop talking if I'm feeling normal. Especially, if I'm drunk. I'll talk more. I'll talk alot more. I'll be telling truths that I don't normally tell. I'll be drunk calling someone I like and tell them I miss you. I'll be swinging around, hugging people I like. Ya. No drunk. XD

Stop by this three/ I'm sleepy. XD. will continue next time...
Nites world. Nites Lola. =D

The Trade

Came back from the lousiest prom ever. Good environment but yet, bad emcee, bad program, bad arrangement, bad everything. It made my mood go down and down. Yet, it goes down deeper, when I don't even have someone to whine about it.

They say no one is perfect. So when you want to get a matured guy aka "leg step on floor" guy, you have to trade the romance.
Yea, it went well, as I'm not those kind of romantic people anyway. But then sometimes... This trade made me feel like I'm never a real somebody to someone.

No one's there to drive me to a prom, put me on the doorstep and parked the car for me.
No one's there when my leg hurts because of heels.
No one's there when I want a picture of my own smiling at the one I loved.
No one's there when I want a bouquet of flower (although I hate roses).
No one's there when I feel like dancing gracefully in the dance floor.
No one's there when I feel like keeping an instax of only me and him.
No one's there to tell me you look gorgeous tonight.
No one's there to enjoy the night with me.
No one's there to listen to all my complaints and say, "Baby, never mind, I'm here."
NO.
No one's ever there.
Every prom, every party, every dinner, every date.

I know he's been busying with his academic stuff.
I should be more considerate.
But I'm a girl.
I need something.
I need someone.

My 21st birthday has been ignored. It is just a normal day. I have no right to celebrate it at all.
What is your situation now my dear?
Your family members got sick. Your boyfriend is busy. Your friends are busy.
What 21st gotta do with you?
Grown up?
Sorry, you have already grown before that, handling burdens and responsibilities.
Milestone?
Who cares.

Yea, luckily I got a birthday surprise, which end up with I, cleaning up stuff.
They bring me to club, that ends up with a bunch of scolding.
Now even my birthday dinner has been ignored.
I have to buy my own birthday gift.
I have to complete my own wish.
PATHETIC nikki sim. You are PATHETIC.

You are not a princess. Remember Nikki Sim.
This is a Trade for being strong.
You are never a princess.
You are a queen. Isolated in your own palace, struggling to solve the problems that people think it is ought for you to settle.
Forget about anniversaries, birthdays, festivals.
You have no right to celebrate it after all.

No more tears.
You have no right for that too.

Anyhow,

Nikki Sim,

I love you.

As you are the only one for me.

Always remember that as a queen,

you are strong.

You Have To Be.

I think it's time for me to leave.

Long time didn't blog d.. Reviewing my blogs, all about him.. Luckily we're now quite stable, so no more emo by this point i think.. 

But..

Does it really have to be like this? Having this, losing the other?

People says, secondary school friends are the most valuable friends among all, cause they go through the craziest moment in your life.

I agree with this.

but now, i think im losing them.

Losing the whole bunch of them.

I'm having a different schedule from them.. When I have my exam, they have their holidays. When I have my holidays, they are busy.

I'm so overload with studies and events, I didn't even have time going for a yumcha session, with anyone of them. Not even my uni mates.

But they take it as I pull myself out of the group.

They take it as I never join them before because I don't want to.

I have my job to do.

I have my studies to go with.

If working for my own expense is too much for a friend, then I think thats all.

I feel that I'm further and further already.

Further from what we use to be.

No one reply to me anymore.

No one even care about asking me out, as I always reject because of work.

Not even my BEST FRIEND's birthday surprise.

I know I'm acting like a super immature child now, whining for nothing.

But I'm confused.

I wondered.

Does growing up means being strong? Being strong = Being on your own?

I don't feel belong anymore.

Not to any group, any people, any one

I am all by myself now

Like what I use to be

and all i need to do,

Is to get along with that.

And I know I cant

But I have to.

It's time for me to leave,as what they think I am.

No more ME time.

As i have my own responsibility to take care of.

and thats my burden to be carry.

It is time.

I love you, 

as you are always me, and I'm you. 

Nikki Sim, you can do this.

怎么办

怎么办呢？
习惯了有他的拥抱
没有了
怎么办？

怎么办？

第一次
是第一次
睡醒了
他转身
就走了

第一次
半夜拉他的衣袖
他没有转过身抱着我
连手也没有牵

怎么办
我该怎么办？

连哭也哭不长了

肚子很饿
胃很痛
可是怎么也没有要吃东西的想法？

第一次
第一次压力到想要拿刀子往手上割的感觉
我到底怎么了

为什么每次来月经的时候都会吵架呢？
为什么每次就来要满一个月的时候都要有冷战呢？

要善解人意，要逆来顺受，要体贴，要了解
我都已经尽力了
可以告诉我
我到底少了什么？
做错了什么？
可以说吗？

你就这样把我丢下一个人
你想我怎样
你要我怎样过嘛？
你要说吗？
你要给我答案吗？

每次哭的时候，
我不敢让你看到
你说你喜欢开朗的女生
你说你不喜欢整天哭哭啼啼的女生
你说你喜欢独立的女生
我有在努力啊

到底是我哪里做不够了？
可以告诉我吗？
请你告诉我好吗？

这次你真的选择丢下我一个人了
毫无预警的丢下我一个人了
你到底要我怎样吗？

这些的一切一切
对谁说也不对
对谁说都不能
我该怎么办

求求你
告诉我怎么办好吗？
我很辛苦
辛苦的快要死掉了
我都觉得自己超夸张的
可是
我真的不懂怎么办了

活过来吧

Shi.. Sha.... Shi... Sha...

A short blog to wash screen.
LOL..
Ya, wash screen.
Washing off the emo posts in my blog..
Nikki Sim is living much more merrier than that.

My Someone is treating me better now. =]
It proves, when that time, we almost argue but we don't.
Both of us think maturely.
NICE =]

Found out that i stick to him too much d...
We see each other like..
24 hours per day.
Ya.
Even in dreams.
LOL, will get boring or not ga?
XD

btw, this a short blog, gotta share more feelings next time...
btw, waiting him back from exam..
so that I can have my breakfast..
AND I MISS HIM!!
{After watching a movie, miss him more.. T^T}

说过的，不算数吧？

你说，有什么事，当面讲，不要放在facebook吧？
这件事，
我有听吧？

你整天都在说，我没有听你的话，
可是，
有时，
当你一个人生闷气的时候，
有没有想过我？
当你觉得我无理取闹的时候，
有没有想过
我
也有我可以生气的理由？

每一次
你生气的时候
我都很想直接发飙不睬你
可是过一下
我算了
因为每一次，
我都很努力的在想到底我有做错了什么。
然后找到了那一丝理由，
然后就用那个理由让自己认错。

是你说过，
趁我还爱你的时候，
你可不可以不要错过我。
因为这句话，
我什么事都忍下来了。
我不能再这么任性了。
你是爱我的，
我绝对不能错过你。

可是，
这次我可不可以对你说回同一句话？

我爱你，
所以我不介意。
可是，
我想跟你说，我从来没有无理取闹过。
我每次的不开心，
都是有理由的。
我本来就是很容易哄的女生。
我的大声，我的喧哗，都是我在撒娇。
我生气，
都是沉默的。
哄我，一个拥抱，一声对不起，
就可以了。
我不需要多

可是
在你眼中，
我是无理取闹的
我是要求多多的
我就是那样不可理喻
对吧？

我已经不懂我可以再做什么了

总之我做什么在你眼中都是不对的
做再多解释也没用
最后的解释
叫你来喝汤，只是怕你整天吃味精，
你胃不好，会受不了
喝多点汤，能让胃不会那么敏感的。
你吃太饱，可以告诉我，我可以带去你家给你喝。
可是想不到连这样，你都可以怪我不在乎你。
我都不懂
我还可以做什么了
你要怎么想就怎么想吧
错过吗？
对不起，我不懂怎样可以挽回了。

一封，给你的信

亲爱的，
你说过，
有什么事情，
必须亲口跟你说。

你说，
你不喜欢人家在Facebook post些有的没的。

你说，
你喜欢当面摊开来说。

对不起，
摊开来说，我还是办不到。
Facebook方面，我已经尽量的过滤一切自己要写上去的东西。
可是当面吗？

我试过了
可是
一旦看到你那冷漠的眼神，
我退后了。

不习惯
不习惯那曾经充满爱意的眼睛，
突然变得那么的陌生，那么的
远。

所以每次吵架时，我都会逃避你，用枕头盖着自己，
因为我怕，
有哪天，
我也露出了同样的眼神，
你也会感受到同样的伤。

亲爱的，
我想告诉你，
我是个很好强的人。
我从来不喜欢在人家的面前露出自己软弱的一面。
除了在你面前。
因为我觉得有你在，
一切都变得不重要了。
可是，
我怎样也不会喜欢那个
走步路都不方便的自己
也很讨厌要当
翻个身也需要帮忙的那种残废人。
我很生气，
那个走两步路都会晕倒的自己。

照顾自己。
你说的。
可是我很怕。
我怕有一天自己突然倒下的时候，
什么都没有做到。
这就是我一直拼命的争取我有的时间，做我可以做的事情。
很笨我知道。
可是
我想争取认同。
我想完成我的梦想。

参加Event，到现在，说真的没一个办得很好。
我很想做一番成绩，让人人看到我的能力。
跳舞，表演，
就算做幕后也无所谓。
我只想站在自己喜欢的舞台。

这些的一切一切，
我知道很累人。
很折磨。
我累了。
你也累了。
可是我却一直自私的渴望着，
在那一天
拖着疲倦身躯说没事的我，
可以得到你一个温暖的拥抱。
这种女朋友，很烂吧？

我是一个很简单的女生。
一个拥抱。
一个紧紧地拥抱。
就满足了。
就足够了。
所以每一次，
当你说我不懂得珍惜你所付出的一切时，
我不懂该怎么做。
我不懂什么才是珍惜。
我不懂什么才算珍惜。
我只是知道，
付出我的时间，心血，感情，
去经营一段爱，
是我的付出模式。
模式不对吗？
我应该怎样呢？

亲爱的，
我只想说，
当我生气孱弱的自己的时候，
我可不可以贪心的要求，
你一丝的耐心，
来照顾这个，
连自己也嫌弃的半废人。

不瞒你说，
你是我真的很爱很爱的一个人。
你是我一开始就认定一定是我七年长跑的男生。
七年，
然后结婚，
再七年，
有我们的家，
再七年，
再七年，
甚至七十年。
因为你绝对是一个可以被托付的男生。
可是，
如果在我现在半废人状态的时候，
你没有办法给我那一丝的耐心，
那么，
当我老了，丑了，瘫了，
你还会无微不至的，
照顾我吗？

如果你真的觉得，
现在的我，
很麻烦，很累人，很任性，
那么请你考虑一下，
在我真正无法没有你之前，
离开我。
不然，
我会变得很缠人，
死缠烂打的那种。
我相信，
你不喜欢看到这样的我。
我也不喜欢。
可是我必须告诉你，
以后的我，
可能会更麻烦，更累人，更任性。
趁还有的退货的时候，
做出你明知的决定吧。

我不想你离开，
可是我也不想你因为我不开心。
我不想你为我而烦恼。
我不想你为我而困扰。
我不要再做那个烦扰人家的烦人了。

亲爱的，

为什么写Blog，不是直接inbox你，

是因为心机重的认为，

如果你得空的话，

可以逛一逛我的内心世界，

了解一下，

不可理喻的我，

背后有的故事。

亲爱的，

我爱你。

所以没关系。

真的，真的，

很爱你。

一个让不流泪几年的冰墙融化并付出一次又一次的泪水的男生。

=]