Chris, Alan and Cmei stay over last night. Just send them home and I sat on the sofa, watching tv. Suddenly, mum sit by and told me something.
Our shop get broke in by some **** thieves and all the cash and cigarettes are stolen.
I don't what emotion should i express. Anger? Sad? Worry? I just calmly listened to what my mum told me, and... replied nothing.
Ermr... I feel that i'm very very not filial daughter. I really don't know what to do.. Thousands of questions running into my mind. Does that means we doesn't have enough money? Does that means mum will be facing problem to pay my fees, which is a large amount of RM3079?? Does that means i should at least do something? But what should I do?? Ya, I'm working... but I don't think that little salary can do much help to the family.. So what should I do more? Should i find 1 more part time?? Or... should i study form 6 instead..? All this question marks make me feel unsafe... and frustrated. WHAT SHOULD I DO???!!!!
I text-ed Hong and I told him the thing. At 1st, he thought someone playing with my phone.. but i told him the truth again. Now, still waiting for his reply. I feel like calling him and hope to get some warm from him. I really don't know what to do now.
All I can do is try to save money and at the same time, cut cost. College's canteen is opening, and with my staff ID, I can get much more cheaper price. So Nikki Sim, no more luxury and fancy food. Stick to the basic. Do what I can do is the best thing I can help her. I hope I really do.
Another matter. Social Problems.
Long is angry on me based on the "alan is ah hong" thingy. Yesterday night I already tried my best to comfort him, yet i can't. At first I wanna try again today, because he's quite a good friend to me. But since there are so many things happening.. Sorry long, I gotta show my deepest apologize here. If you still can't get over it, then, sorry. I really don't know what to do already. I got more important things to do and heavier responsible to carry. I can't afford to hold on more, it will make things go worse. Hope I can get your forgiveness. Because if can't, I think I'll only can give you some time, besides that, I'm totally bankrupt, physically, and mentally.
2.Mag's birthday is coming soon. It's this Tuesday. What can i do? I tried to think the prefect way to celebrate for her. But.. I think i gotta simplify it. I felt so sorry for her. But what can I do?
Frankly, at this moment, I feel that I'm damn fragile. I'm a truly weakling. I can't even settle and manage the things of my beloved ones. I'm totally a failure. Things are getting so complicated in my mind. Very confused.
I know I can do more. I know i can be more helpful to my family.
I know I need to.
Nikki Sim's metal armor are getting rusty, and the wall she built is getting more and more fragile. How long can she stand behind it? How long can she hold the responsibility? Lord, save me.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thank you, my 1 week bf.
17th April 2011.
It's the 1st time i get so angry of you. I thought you'll change after you realize you ignore me because of computer games. But you didn't. Some more you ignore me for the rest of the night. I'm so angry that i drink few glasses of beer so quickly. I don't know whether i'm really drunk, but i did express my feelings like never before. I cried at the mamak, I slam and slap the table, I laugh while i cry and i cry during i laugh. I shout at the middle of the road, screaming why i'm always the last 1 in your heart. 1st, your family, 2nd your computer, 3rd your so-called sister. You promise that you'll give me back a birthday wish, but because of her, you say you don't want come down again. What the stupid promise is this?? I don'r mind to be under your family, not even computer games, but please, not another girl. That night, with my drunkard courage, i text you, and i wish that you can be my bf for 1 week. Although yet you still care about her, but at last you agree. Should i thanks to the 2 glasses of tiger and 1 glass of Heineken? XP.
18th April 2011
I'm finally your gf. When we met at lost world, we still act like very very normal, until that moment, when you hold me hands. Do you know how bumpy my heart gets? When you hold me close to you, it's like the happiest moment in my entire life. I remember that moment when we're in Kemura cave, you hugged me. So tight, so warm. The whole atmosphere is so nice, i don't even want that moment to end. >.< But it ends too. after that, the whole day you're enjoying with your friends. Even after you finish enjoying with your friends, your 1st act is to take care of your so-called sister. What the. Don't ruin the nice memory from you to me like this please!!@.@ SUAN! Mei guan xi!!! XP. Of cz its fake de. Its always matters!!
19th April 2011
Last night, we hold our hands and entered dreamland. I love the hug you give me, when you saw the omelet i prepared. I love the moment when i hugged you while watching movie. I love it when we ate lunch together. I love the whole morning. This is our real date day ba? XD
23rd April 2011
I went to Cameron and find you!! wa... It's the 1st time i do this kind of things. But it worth. ^^. We go for our 2 people's world, we hugged and chat at the riverside, we hold our hands for the whole day, we snapped pictures in your car, it just like what real couples will do. If only everyday we can be like that, i'll do anything for it!
25th April 2011
This is our last day already. And you didn't reply me for a long time again. >.< but like this also quite good de... at least i won't be too sad out of it. XP. Hong, thanks for being my bf for 1 week, i know you won't ask to continue, and my dignity as a girl has already finished, I won't be so bold and ask for more d. For I should be satisfy for what you've done to me, and be happy out of it. The necklace, I'll keep, and wear it everyday. Because it resembles you in my heart. I told you, that there's a picture that I wanna show you, but you can only see it if only you notice some small changes in my facebook. so ... If you saw this, I wanna tell you something that i never tell you before, I LOVE YOU. I do.
It's the 1st time i get so angry of you. I thought you'll change after you realize you ignore me because of computer games. But you didn't. Some more you ignore me for the rest of the night. I'm so angry that i drink few glasses of beer so quickly. I don't know whether i'm really drunk, but i did express my feelings like never before. I cried at the mamak, I slam and slap the table, I laugh while i cry and i cry during i laugh. I shout at the middle of the road, screaming why i'm always the last 1 in your heart. 1st, your family, 2nd your computer, 3rd your so-called sister. You promise that you'll give me back a birthday wish, but because of her, you say you don't want come down again. What the stupid promise is this?? I don'r mind to be under your family, not even computer games, but please, not another girl. That night, with my drunkard courage, i text you, and i wish that you can be my bf for 1 week. Although yet you still care about her, but at last you agree. Should i thanks to the 2 glasses of tiger and 1 glass of Heineken? XP.
18th April 2011
I'm finally your gf. When we met at lost world, we still act like very very normal, until that moment, when you hold me hands. Do you know how bumpy my heart gets? When you hold me close to you, it's like the happiest moment in my entire life. I remember that moment when we're in Kemura cave, you hugged me. So tight, so warm. The whole atmosphere is so nice, i don't even want that moment to end. >.< But it ends too. after that, the whole day you're enjoying with your friends. Even after you finish enjoying with your friends, your 1st act is to take care of your so-called sister. What the. Don't ruin the nice memory from you to me like this please!!@.@ SUAN! Mei guan xi!!! XP. Of cz its fake de. Its always matters!!
19th April 2011
Last night, we hold our hands and entered dreamland. I love the hug you give me, when you saw the omelet i prepared. I love the moment when i hugged you while watching movie. I love it when we ate lunch together. I love the whole morning. This is our real date day ba? XD
23rd April 2011
I went to Cameron and find you!! wa... It's the 1st time i do this kind of things. But it worth. ^^. We go for our 2 people's world, we hugged and chat at the riverside, we hold our hands for the whole day, we snapped pictures in your car, it just like what real couples will do. If only everyday we can be like that, i'll do anything for it!
25th April 2011
This is our last day already. And you didn't reply me for a long time again. >.< but like this also quite good de... at least i won't be too sad out of it. XP. Hong, thanks for being my bf for 1 week, i know you won't ask to continue, and my dignity as a girl has already finished, I won't be so bold and ask for more d. For I should be satisfy for what you've done to me, and be happy out of it. The necklace, I'll keep, and wear it everyday. Because it resembles you in my heart. I told you, that there's a picture that I wanna show you, but you can only see it if only you notice some small changes in my facebook. so ... If you saw this, I wanna tell you something that i never tell you before, I LOVE YOU. I do.
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