I wish I'm spoiled.

Sometimes I'll think.
Why.
Why am I living a life, so different from the others.
It's mean to have this thought, but I'll think.
Why am I not living in a family without problems to solve and challenges to face?
Why am I not those spoiled kids, that get whatever they want without even moving a finger, and they still have perfect "insta-able" life in front of them?
Why this? Why?

But I know.
I'm spoiled enough to have this thought.
My mum is not feeling well, but at least I have a mum.
My dad is a speechless statue, but at least I have a dad.
My bro is hidden hero to himself, but at least I have a bro.
My sis is away from me, but at least I have a sis.

At least I have, what others called, a complete family.

I know I'm much more luckier than all those people outside, and I'm looking like I'm just bragging about how well my life go by throwing out grunts and complains at my blog.
But right now,
I just wish that people keep their perceptions of me being strong away.

I'm not strong.
I'm not fucking born strong.
I'm trained to be one.

Maybe people look at my social media profile, of me being happy go lucky, of me enjoying life.
Thats because I learn to enjoy it, even I'm drowning in a deep dark valley.
I know, if im not strong enough to endure all these stress, I will end up as a dead cold body somewhere else in the lake, or a walking dead at clubs and pubs, drinking the hell out of me.

If you think you have better plan for me,
Please.
Propose it.
but before that, get to know what I'm going through.
Get to know me inside, not through posts and pictures.
Find out what's important to me by talking with me in late nights,
not by pm-ing me or comment at my status.

I always hope that I have someone to handle all of these, but well, its impossible though.
No one wish to add in troubles to themselves.
and mine is not a small one.

I think I'm quite a robot now. well. a cold blooded one.
I'm quite.
Speechless to what I'm facing right now.

Life goes on, throwing tantrums and lemons on me.
What I think I can do, is to step on it, and walk the hell out of it.
It will be better if someone just walk with me.
But I'm okay doing that alone too.

As alone is just another word in my dictionary. Another meaningless word now I guess.

Peace Out.

Love yourself for who you are Nikki Sim.
I love you.