A truthful LIE

What can i name a lie that I choosed to believe even I already know the truth like ages ago?

LOVE.

Yesterday went for lunch with Cmei, found out something.

Actually it's not found out also. I knew it since ages ago.

But just... choose not to remember it.

Stupid huh?

Trying to make life busy thisadays. Busy life enables me to forget everything i don't want to remember.

But I can't.

Mum needs me.

Staying with her did calm her down, but not me.

I feel so selfish.

I know what i need to do now is close the file of Him and fill the blank with a new file=Mum.

I deleted it.

I really do

But I just can't empty that freaking recycle bin!

=.=

Waste ram waste memory

Thats why my brain always hang.

XP

I wonder how stupid i was.

I mean, i AM. as i'm still THAT stupid now.

Choosing to believe what he told me, accept every good thing and create reasons for every bad ones.

Ya, Rasional Nikki's assumption is correct.

What he told me are also what he told the others.

He's a freaky Flirt.

But since I know,

why does my heart still feel the pain when i say the word "Flirt"?

Maybe because I myself, the so-called rasional girl for 18 years, is one of the victim?

Do you know hows the feeling?

It's like biting an apple with HALF a worm inside.

Where's the another half?

In my stomach of course.

But why am i still biting on it?

Because its expensive.

Ya

Expensive

I can't let go, because what i put in is just too expensive for me.

Too expensive, until I face shortage in my dignity account and scarcity in my love.

That's why I can't let go of this investment.

If i let go

I lose what i invest. Without knowing why and how I'm going to fill back the holes and lumps inside me.

Should I be so stingy?

Or should I be more generous?

Letting everyone own my love?

I mean love, not heart.

Maybe I should.

Declare bankruptcy.

Letting others to invest on me.

So maybe until one day, God mercies me.

And I'll get to invest myself again.

Ya.

Mind should be set that way.

Nikki Sim

Officially declared

B.A.N.K.R.U.P.T.

Peace outo, Bakchoi I.eh~